Cycle of Friends

I had something happen yesterday that I felt the need to chat with someone else about.  The sad thing was, I could only think of one person here that I consider a good enough friend to talk about it with.  And its not even that personal.  It was about a call from the school about a kid's misbehavior.  I don't know how cross I should feel about the school's handling of it, or just let it go.  But I digress.  Rather than focusing on the school issue, I chose to focus on how hard it has been to make friends here.

Those who read this probably already know me.  Being a military brat, I know the importance of putting yourself out there and making the effort to find friends and to be friendly.  Since we live on a base, it should be easy to make friends.  Since we go to church, I should have even MORE options.  So I feel very sad that people here are really not receptive to new friends.

I also realized that I'm in a different part of my life.  When I was single, I had roommates and friends at school.  When I got married, no one wanted to be friends, because everyone we knew was newlyweds and they were all wrapped up in new love and didn't have any interest in making friends.  Then it was new motherhood, and everyone wants to be your friend!  You are in the Mom Club and have lots of opportunities to make friends.

Fine, not all new moms do, but when you look for mom groups and hang out in the mother's room at church, you make friends pretty easy.  Same with when you have small children.  Going to the park, kid activities and stuff like that puts you in touch with other moms and you make friends.  And again, I've always found friends at church.  I have definitely sought out opportunities to meet new people and to make friends, and I've always felt like I made friends pretty quickly whenever we have moved.

Now, I have no baby.  My baby is growing.  I'm no longer in the New Mom Club. I have kids in school, and other moms with kids in school are not hanging around looking for friends.  I have gone to the base Mommy and Me playtime and the moms are pretty reserved there.  They chat with the people they already know and are not interested in new friends.  At church, it kind of feels the same.  I DO have friends, but I wonder why it feel so hard to maintain it.

I don't recall ever having so much trouble maintaing any sort of friendship before.  I've always had different levels going on at the same time.  You know, you have the friend you chat with a lot, and the friend who you call when you have a bad day, and the friend you have play dates with and the friend who calls you when she needs something, and the friend who you swap favors with.  But at least some of them feel easy and natural and don't require a lot of effort.

Here, I feel like I could disappear and no one would notice.  Especially right now, since I have no calling at church!  I could vanish and no one would ever call to see what happened.  And I wonder, is it me?  Have I reached a point where I just don't care to put forth the effort?  Is it this place?  Are people here just so grumpy that they have to live here that they just retreat from any interaction?  Or is it really me?  I don't think I'm that unlikeable.  I think maybe it is just that I don't have as many interactions.  There aren't any regular enough activities that I go to and hang out and chat with others enough to form a strong basis of interest.  Fine, that isn't entirely true.  We DO go to story-time and that's where most of my friends are. And I DO have a few friends, but I guess I wish they were more.  More friends.  More stronger ties.  More emotional support. More I'd feel comfortable asking things from.

I think I'm feeling moody today.  Most of the time I'm quite happy to do my thing.  I have my routine and I like it and I don't need to add any more activities to it.  But occasionally, I think it might be really nice to have someone other than family to call.