I had 5 different things to blog about. I'm not sure I can even remember most of them anymore. I have some pictures on the camera of Delaney's birthday, but the camera is now officially dead. As in dead-dead. I can't turn it on and get the pictures off. I COULD go downstairs and turn on the incredibly slow PC and wait for eternity for it to boot up and then I could put the memory card in it and download the pictures there. Then I would have to decide if I'd rather try to email the pictures to myself and open them upstairs on the Mac, or if I'd rather look for the thumb drive and put the pix on that, then walk them up here and download them onto the Mac. Its all so complicated. Ug. But that is my long winded excuse for no pictures and I'm not sure when I may have more pictures. Since life without pictures is a very bleak one to me, I hope it will be soon!
Also, I'm trying to figure out why it is that once I decide to work on being a better person in some respect, suddenly things are out to get me and life gets worse. For those of you who get the Ensign, there was a great article in it recently. The writer used the John Groberg story of Elder Groberg needing to get to another island so he could preach to people who were waiting for him. But there was no wind. They prayed and prayed for wind, but none came. So an elderly man got the row boat down and said let's go. Elder Groberg protested that they shouldn't have to spend several hours rowing, and the elderly man said that people were waiting and they needed to go now to be able to see them. So, the rowed out there.
This story was an eye opener to me. I wonder why the Lord doesn't seem to give me what I pray for, even when it is a good and righteous desire. To see that Elder Groberg, who was a good & righteous man, asking for a good and righteous thing was not given what he asked for made me feel better. And I discovered that maybe I need to stop asking for what I think I need. I decided to work on this. I keep praying that Rylee will sleep better. Its a good thing, right? A better rested mom is a happier mom. And yet, Rylee still feels the ned to eat every 2 hours, day and night. And nap time went from 1-2 hours down to 30 minutes. So I decided maybe I needed to figure out another way. I decided I was tired of being grumpy and cranky because I'm not getting enough sleep. I decided I wanted to be enjoying my children more, and I was going to stop being so tired and cranky and grumpy. I decided that if I wasn't going to get enough sleep, then I was going to pray that I just wouldn't NEED enough sleep and that I would be able to be more cheerful and happy.
I'm not too happy to report that Rylee is now waking up even more frequently. Add to that Delaney's sudden and consistent peeing through her diaper at night and Callie's re-emergence of bad dreams involving bugs and I'm getting less sleep than ever. I no longer remember what its like to sleep more than 2 hours at a time, and even those 2 hours are starting to seem like a luxury. Ug. I've been trying to get a good bedtime routine and it seems to work, till I look at the big picture. I can get her to bed at 10pm. But she wakes up every 20-40 minutes until midnight. Its a killer.
But I refuse to give in! I WILL be happy! I will be cheerful and I will pretend I am not exhausted. I demand to be blessed for this job of motherhood and I demand to have the ability to love and enjoy my children. Yeah, I'm so demanding and look how well that's working for me! Seriously though, I'm going to have a better attitude.
Which brings me to this..... what do I do with Rylee? I know that every parent has different experiences and they think what they have done works for everyone. I'm telling you that each kid is different, and mine are not happy sleepers. I would think it was me, except that Delaney was my exception. She is the only one who slept all night at 4 months. She was the only one who was content to sit in her seat and look around. She was the only child I have had who did not need to be held all the time, and she was the only one who would eat every 3-4 hours rather than every 2. So I don't want to hear that its a matter of training. It isn't. For my children, its more a matter of temperament and sheer stubborn will. With Callie I gave her 5-10 minutes to stop crying before I would go pick her up and that worked fairly well. Rylee starts to increase in volume by 5 minutes and any longer and she will continue to cry hysterically after I pick her up. And yes, every time I go in at night she acts ravenous and eats like I am starving her. I feel like I have two choices- either I keep doing what I am doing, or I put her in the porta crib down stairs and walk away at night and let her scream herself to sleep. I don't think I'm at the cry-it-out place yet. I think it is so cruel and inhumane. But if its my sanity or a few nights of her misery...... I think she looses.
Anyway, that last part was more rambling and venting. I just have to suck it up for another 6-8 more months, right?!
And now, I am going to go make pork chops and mashed potatoes for dinner!
6 comments:
Seriously I don't know how you do it. I think it would look into other options like maybe formula it's really hard to function on no sleep. I don't do well when I don't get sleep. I"m so sorry. Hope/pray it's just a phase and she'll come out it soon right? You are great mom and do a lot of wonderful things with them, look at the fun you had with them in the snow? The goodies you make for them? You do a lot and a mother of 5 kids deserves a break! How do get that I'm not sure. I know your doing your best. and that's all that matters. Don't be so hard on yourself. Oh for dreams you could try waking Marian up a little before you go to bed, if it's like night tears that helps a lot.
Boy do I empathize with you. I really do. We are just now getting Riley to sleep better. I thought I was losing my mind. Wait, did lose it. I was cranky, obsessed with sleep, and totally self absorbed in my own bubble to try and get the solution. I don't know what the answer is. Like you said, each kid is different and has their own special needs. Listen to the Spirit. I asked what do I need to do to help him sleep. What about your chiropractic visits, do those help? I usually don't give up any foods but I got so desperate for sleep with Riley that I happily will give up gluten, lactose whatever to make him happy. It has worked for him. I am sure Heavenly Father will whisper the secret to your Rylee as you work with her. I pray that you get sleep. I am sending the karma your way!
All I can say is, I'm sorry. It really does stink to function on very little sleep and feel crabby all the time. Tillie woke up every 2 hours for the first 11 months of her life. At 11 months, I allowed her to cry it out, because I needed to. But, I do feel for you, because she is just too young for that. I like the other comments that your friends made. As far as Delaney is concerned, I would invest in some Huggies Nightime diapers, so that she doesn't leak out. You are doing great and this will pass.
Yeah...no sleep makes for a not happy mommy. Brett ate every 2 hours around the clock till he was about a year. But he was my first, and he was so scrawny and preemie that he needed it, I'm sure. An alternative to cry-it-out (which I also really dislike, having subjected poor Brett to it) is a book called "The No-Cry Sleep Solution." If you have time, I suggest a read. It has really helped me with Matthew. Otherwise, the only thing that saved me with my other kids was co-sleeping. I would wake up enough to switch sides and then fall back to sleep. I functioned much better that way, and they are all now in their very own beds. Good luck with whatever you do. I'm sorry!
Maybe, if she keeps eating like she's ravenous, she needs some solid foods. I'm not usually a fan of that before 6 months, but if cereal will help her sleep, it might be worth it.
And I echo Catherine. I found sleeping with baby better than no sleep at all. Although probably Riley won't allow that.
Yup, I also swear by co-sleeping. Sander (who at almost 2-1/2 weighs 36-37 lbs.) ate every 2 hours around the clock from when he was a newborn until he was well into solids. He would always start out in his own bed and end up in mine. Elizabeth is (thankfully) not quite so demanding, at least most nights, , so sometimes she stays in her bed and sometimes not, but the bassinet is right there, so at least I don't have to go far!
It's just never easy when you're in the middle of it. And I feel like I'm going to be in the middle of it for a long time... as, I'm sure, do you! Good luck! You can do it!!
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