Life

I didn't want to leave too long a time between postings.  You might get excited.  The answer is no.  I have not delivered this child.  She doesn't seem to want to come out.    I'm at the ambivalent period where I'm suddenly not sure I want her out!  I'm feeling like I'm going to be pregnant forever, and the idea of going through labor and delivery is enough to make me cry right now.  I am not ready for that, and I haven't quite gotten past the thought of simply no longer being pregnant.  That has been my end-goal for 8+ months now, and I haven't thought much past that.  I have ignored the whole delivery part, and ignored the whole bringing-home-a-baby part.  These are suddenly looming realities and I am scared spitless!

On the plus side, I no longer have to worry about what to do with the kids when I finally do go into labor.  Every day I had to mentally review who was on my on-call list.  Who was available in the morning?  Who could be here in the afternoon?  Who was able to drop everything and rush over at 2am?  Now, its not a problem.  My parents arrived this afternoon, and that's one huge stress off my shoulders.  Now, its all good.    Well, except for that whole delivery issue....

My big Kids

Joshua and Marian go to school all day.  I rarely see them.  Then when they get home, Marian races outside to ride her bike and practice new tricks.  Joshua disappears into the basement to play with Legos, or he's out the door with friends.  So I see a lot less of them then I do of Callie and Delaney.  That means I have to make a conscientious effort to take their pictures.  So I worked on it the last few days and discovered that they also don't LIKE having photo-ops as much as their 2 younger sisters!

Yes, the second week of school, and Joshua is already doing homework.  Its harder than either of us expected, and not a lot of fun. Note the mouth, pursed in concentration.

Now he's just being silly!  I love his funny faces. I prefer his cute happy face, but its so rare for him to cooperate while I have the camera in hand.  So I'll settle for his silly face.

This is Joshua on Wednesday, shortly before a meltdown.  His Spanish is not coming back as quickly as I'd like and his homework seems to be all word problems.  There was tears and drama before I thought to call Favorite Aunt Miranda, who can actually speak some Spanish.  The combination of getting to spend an hour on the phone with her and getting help with his homework really made his day.  Unfortunately, it put his bedtime back an hour.  Ug.

Joshua pooled his birthday money and got his latest Lego Obsession- the Lego Power Miners Crystal Sweeper.  He is currently working on it at the table and thanking me every 5 minutes for letting him get it.  

This one has a new loose tooth.

She can't leave it alone.  She wiggles it all the time, even though it occasionally weirds her out. 

Here she is, watching Animal Planet.  She loves animals and is absolutely fascinated by pretty much any program involving animals.  She remembers the oddest details as well.   She sure is a cutie pie!  She also decided she likes skirts.  I only get the ones with shorts underneath, but she likes the soft fabric and looseness of the skirts, so we're both quite happy right now.

And back to the tooth wiggling.  I can't watch! 

My Days with Callie and Delaney

Now that school has started, I'm getting back to the routine of only having 2 at home.  That of course, is going to change here shortly, so I thought I might document what I get to see all day with my 2 sweetie pies. 

Here is Delaney, in total denial about who the baby is!  No, really, she is convinced that the baby clothes are still for her.  This is the only thing she has been able to squeeze into so far, thus reinforcing her conviction that these are her clothes.  Sigh.  (She is wearing an infant nightie, what Dan calls a "sleep-sack".)

Yes, Delaney has been having a really hard time lately.  She has progressed to the point where cute just doesn't cut it any more and her siblings (and parents) are not just giving her what she wants.  This results in much drama and tears.  We have had several colossal tantrums lately.  Yesterday Delaney wanted to put on a swim diaper and swim suit.  I said no.  I had to remove these items from her clutches and put them out of reach.  For the next 15 minutes a very angry, very naked Delaney followed me around, screaming at the top of her lungs.  It was a lot of fun, I tell ya!  The interesting thing is that once its over, it is over.  And she moves on like she never had a meltdown.

This is the sad, I'm still recovering face.  I love that she can self soothe.  I'm not so glad that I'm already dealing with the thumb-sucker's teeth, but hey, there is still time to fix that.

Delaney loves her babies.   She switches them daily, and today it looks like the puppies are back in.  The last few days it has been her cabbage patch dolls.  I don't like those.  She thinks that "the baby's" clothes refers to HER babies, not to the upcoming real one.  So she goes into the drawers, pulls out all my neatly folded infant clothing and demands her doll be dressed in clothes that are much too big for her.

She is quite the ham.  She is becoming one of those people who don't quite see the line and must push it because they think it is funny, even beyond what most people find amusing.  She is pretty mischievous as well, mostly in a good way!

And Callie..... ah, Callie.......

An interesting story here.  I had trimmed Callie's bangs.  A few days later I thought they looked a bit uneven.  And I thought, hmmm..... I don't recall making a "V" shape with them.  Then I forgot about it.

Yesterday, I was looking at her hair a little closer.  It suddenly occurred to me that while I may possible not recall making a "V" with her bangs, there was no way I'd forget cutting them so darn short in the middle!  Closer inspection revealed that her bangs were not the only spot that was extra short! Darn kid was cutting her own hair again!  I'm just glad it wasn't too horrible!

My cute, innocent girl with her newly trimmed hair.  Its shoulder length again.  I think its cuter shorter on her.  I love the big eyes and dimples!

Callie loves her stuffed animals.  She is such a hoot.  She gets up first in the mornings and I can hear her, playing in the living room- making up stories and animal sounds.  She has such a great imagination!

Did I mention what a character she is?  I have the funnest little girls!

And as I write this, Delaney is upstairs, making pee pee in the potty.  She is trying to potty train!  I finally gave in and got her some pull ups.  She is very good about using the potty if prompted, but I am not very good at remembering, so she wets the pull up pretty regularly. 

Why I love being Pregnant..... NOT!

Yesterday when we got to church I ran into the tactless, yet easily offended, socially inadequate woman in our ward.  I try not to, since every time I encounter her she says such flattering things as,"Are you having twins?".  Alas, yesterday I was not fast enough to waddle away before she initiated the conversation.  

"When are you due?" She asked.

"Today!" I said brightly.

"No, really?"  She said in surprise.

"No" I said honestly, "But I'm still hoping.  I'm not due for 2 more weeks."

She eyeballs my lovely bowling ball belly and says, "Are you sure you're only having one?"

Thinking that a stupid question deserves a like answer, I respond, "I'm having quintuplets!" 

Her eyes get big, "You are?!"  

"No," I admit, "Only one."

"Well, you sure are big!  You get bigger every week!"

I walk away thinking, Wow, thanks for sharing.  I always feel so attractive when I hear stuff like that.  Sigh.  Like I don't feel big and miserable enough already. 

Baby Thoughts

First let's start with some fun pictures:

Joshua had a birthday and he was ecstatic to get some Legos.  He's my big boy now!

Delaney was hamming it up for the picture. As was her sister!  Such silly girls!

There was a fun Primary Activity yesterday, and our Primary President thinks that Callie is just adorable to begin with and she thinks that this is just the cutest picture ever of her.  How can I argue when she is right?!

And here we have.... ME!  Courtesy of Callie.  I didn't realize how much bigger my belly looks from the shorter perspective!  Here I was thinking that I wasn't as huge as I was with Delaney, and now I have proof that perhaps I am!  Its a bit blurry, but as I said, Callie took this, and I'm not entirely sure what her focus was.

And now onto the purpose of sitting down today:

I think you tend to hang on to what you have heard growing up, and I know that in reference to bearing her 6 children, my mom would say she knew when it was time to start and she knew when it was time to be done.  I guess I adopted that philosophy myself.  I knew when it was time to start.  I had told Dan no kids for the first year of marriage, and after that first year was over, he started off right away with the nagging.

There were a couple issues going on with why I wasn't ready, but I had prayed about it and felt like it wasn't the time yet.  It took another couple months before the answer I got was yes, now is the time.  It took 3 months of trying to get pregnant.  And interestingly enough, every one of our 5 children has taken exactly 3 months from decision to conception.  But I digress...

After each baby, I knew we had another one coming, and I wanted my children close together.  Partly because I grew up with close siblings, and a lot because I wanted to get childbearing over and done with as quickly as possible.  I did not want to be changing diapers and raising children for 40 years.  I wanted the kids out of the house, all grown up when I was 50.  Okay, so I won't make that goal, but you get my drift.

When I was pregnant with Delaney, I decided I wanted a bigger space between her and the next baby.  We'd gone 18 months between Joshua and Marian, 2 years between Marian and Callie, and 18 months again between Callie and Delaney.  I was tired!  I knew I wanted them close, I just hadn't stopped to think about how rough it would be!  So I wanted a little break.  I figured 2-3 years and then we'd talk about baby #5.

However, Delaney was a joy baby.  She was so happy and content and wonderful!  I loved it.  I had never enjoyed a baby before!  And as she got older, it just didn't seem like I wanted to get pregnant again.  Still, there was that desire to have all my kids close together, and I didn't want to wait too long.  Dan and I talked about it.  We prayed about it.  We went to the Temple about it and we got... nothing.  No definite Yes, multiply and replenish some more!  Yet, also no Yes, you are done!  I really needed to feel strongly one way or the other.  I needed to know I was done, or I needed to feel like we had another baby waiting.  But I felt.... nothing. It was really hard for me.  On the one hand, I really was enjoying the children and having them be older and able to do stuff.  On the other hand, I didn't want to deny a little spirit into our family if they were suppose to be here.  I was afraid my feelings were making me less receptive to an answer.  I wasn't thrilled at the idea of going back to ground zero and putting my life on hold again for another 5 years.

After talking about it, we finally decided that no answer probably was an answer.  Since we didn't have the certainty that we were done, we would go ahead and try for another.  So we did.  3 months later, we were pregnant. And I want you to know that I know now, with utter certainty, I am done!  I have no doubt that this is the last baby.  I have my answer now and that means I can enjoy every second of this baby, because its the last one!

No, we do not plan on any permanent methods to ensure no more children.  I liked the IUD a lot and will go back to that.  But I have the certainty I wanted, and I can say also that yes, I knew when it was time to start, and I knew when it was time to stop!